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My 5 criteria for determining what to give a fuck about

April 28, 2019 No Comments

My 5 criteria for determining what to give a fuck about

April 28, 2019 No Comments

warning: if excessive use of the word fuck offends you GTFOH…it’s in the title, you HAD to know it was showing up with all its fucking clones in this blog post

I tend to think I’m pretty good at appropriately allocating the amount of fucks I give in life…of course, I don’t always get it right but for the most part, I think I do a decent job.

Fucks aren’t as plentiful as people would have you believe, considering they dole them out all willy nilly over some of the most insane and unworthy situations and topics. You can only give so many fucks before it starts to impact your mental and even physical health. Misappropriation of fucks is a leading cause of heart attacks, high blood pressure, stress, and, to a lesser extent, pettiness. I promise, there are studies that prove this.

I figured, as a public service, I could share my criteria for deciding what to give a fuck about. Just out here trying to do some good.

Criteria #1: Does it impact me, my child, or the people I love? No? Then I won’t be allocating fucks to that.

One of my favorite lines from a Jay-Z song is “what you eat don’t make me shit”. If what you are doing, who you’re doing it with, what you think, thought, say does not have an impact on me, why the fuck should I care? I just can’t muster up the fucks necessary if it isn’t directly affecting me or mine.

Criteria #2: Will my giving a fuck be helpful for you? If not, I’m gonna have to RSVP “Fuck no”.

So there are times when caring about things that don’t impact me will actually still benefit the other party. In some cases, I may have some wisdom or advice to impart. A kind or encouraging word. Or I could be the voice of reason or caution. I may be able to play devil’s advocate and help someone think about something in a different way.

Here is where you have to be careful though. Sometimes, our egos want to interject what we think we know or our opinions just to be heard. We have to be careful and ask ourselves honestly “is what I’m sharing or doing actually helpful to the other party?” If not – if you’re going to embarrass someone, make them feel stupid or you’re just “setting someone straight” – it’s not worth the fucks, keep it moving. Your fucks have other places to be.

In Tulum, Mexico being stingy with my fucks

Criteria #3: Will giving a fuck change the outcome? No? Cool, fucks redeposited to my savings account.

We all know the term “don’t cry over spilled milk”. What that phrase really means is, giving a fuck won’t put the milk back in the carton or make it drinkable. Its already soaked up the lint and foot dust on the floor, it’s over and done. Pull yourself together and find something you can control to give a fuck about…like going to buy more milk.

Criteria #4: Will I, in giving a fuck, be agreeing to the plausibility of additional fucks being required at a later date?

If yes, then my answer depends:

3a) if I will have the ability to opt out the moment that criteria 1 or 2 above are not met, then sure, I can expend some fucks…just saying, if I give a fuck and then fall into hemorrhaging fucks, I’m in a nightmare and I want out!

3b) however, if giving a fuck obligates me to continue to expend fucks in contrast to the criteria listed above OR at an exponential rate, then nope…fucks denied! You ever find yourself giving a fuck about something and then it gets worse and worse and now you damn near need a loan from the bank of fucks to cover the amount required because you find yourself coming up short? Yah, I don’t wanna be in fucking debt. Not doing it.

Criteria #5: What is my ROF? If my Return On Fucks is low, issa no.

I majored in Finance and my first job out of grad school was to build financial models to calculate the value of a business. Companies wanted to know if they purchase those businesses, what would be their return on investment, or ROI. Basically, will they get back more than or at least what they put in. I feel similarly about my precious fucks. What will be the return? In other words, is it even worth it to give a fuck? If so, by all means, dig deep and give of your fucks generously. But if not, cut your losses and hold on to your fucks for a rainy day when you need them.

One of the first books I read in 2018 was The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck by Mark Manson. It’s yet early in the year, it was one of my favorite reads of the year.

There are two types of people who don’t give a fuck:

There are those who don’t out of a sense of superiority or being petty this book, nor this post, is about that. I’m not talking about thinking you’re better than others so you don’t have to care about their opinions. I’m also not talking about this sense of lack of accountability where you “answer to no one” about your actions no matter how fucked up they are. Those people probably need to give way more fucks.

There are those who don’t out of an understanding that there just isn’t much in this life that’s so serious you NEED to give a fuck. These people realize that it actually matters what you choose to give a fuck about. This book and this post is about being these people.

If you decide to buy the book by clicking the this link, I’ll get a few pennies for it (literally, I’ll get like .87) and it won’t cost you anything extra. You’d be doing some good at no extra cost. At least give a fuck about that. 😉

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  • Sooooo much to unpack from this trip to Ghana!! Well, figuratively anyway.

Literally, we have a bit less to unpack because @KenyaAirways lost my daughter’s carry-on bag that they forced her to check on Monday. It’s now Friday night here and we are at the airport now heading back to the US and they still have not given us any indication on where her bag is. 😡😡😡 I’m upset about this because that bag contained the funky socks she inherited from her step brother who we lost two months ago. They were the only thing she asked to keep if his. I sincerely hope they find it.

Now back to the figurative unpacking. Ghana is so full - of people, of life, of history, of culture, of food, and of love.

I am full having been here (also figuratively and literally, LAWD I ATE ALL THE RICE)

This trip was far too short, we will definitely find ourselves back in this land soon. 
Medaase Ghana for a beautiful experience! .
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#Ghana #yearofreturn #YOR #visitghana #wanderingmom #wanderwoman #wanderwomaninc #travelgram #visitafrica #blackgirlatraveltoo #gobacktoafrica #nomadnesstribe #blacktravelgram
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In fact, I've been twice! The 2nd time, I stayed for 3.5 months AND I'm headed back 30 DAYS FROM TODAY with 12 families - total of 37 people ages 6 months to 61 years old!

A few quick things about traveling to Cape Town:

FLIGHTS ✈
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Typical flights (from ATL) will run about $1,200+ but you can snag GREAT flight deals at $700 or lower.

WHAT YOU'LL LOVE 😍

There is just SO MUCH to do there for all ages and between the beaches, the mountains, and wine country, your eye sockets may just pop out. Its hands down one of the most beautiful cities I have ever seen.

My fave things about CPT

1. Weather
2. Table Mountain
3. Nightlife (Bree St. be 🔥)
4. Old Biscuit Mill
5. V&A Waterfont - there's ALWAYS something to do over there
6. Beaches - there are SO MANY
7. Wine

WHAT YOU'LL HATE 😡

Apartheid did a NUMBER on this place. While the city has SO MUCH beauty, it is very segregated (aside from downtown). In fact, many tourists think that Cape Town has a far larger white population than it does, only because the nice areas of town that tourists stay in are not populated by descendants of the original people.

Another thing you'll hate (this one is trivial) is that the beaches are GORGEOUS but the water is FREEZING! As a Florida girl, it's quite torturous to have a beautiful beach that I can't actually swim in...mind you, people do it. I can not! 🤣
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WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW 👩🏾‍🏫
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If you are traveling to South Africa w/ children w/o their other parent, you WILL need to have a separate form completed with the other parent's signature and a copy of their ID. The ONLY way around this is:
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1. Their name is not on the birth certificate

2. You have documented full custody

3. The other parent is deceased (you would need to bring a death certificate)

Ok, that's it. Back to planning my 3rd visit to The Mother City.

Are you thinking about going to Cape Town? Ask me anything! Happy to help.
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📸: Steven of @aroundthetable_cpt
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#capetown #ilovecapetown #travelafrica #visitafrica #visitcapetown #capetowntourism #southafricatourism 
#instatravel #wanderingmom #wanderwoman #familytravel
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We need all three, and in that order!

One of the last conversations I had with my bonus son, Jadyn, was about this topic.

He had come home feeling optimistic and excited about his future. He told me proudly that he had come up with some goals for his life.

I told him, "that's great love and you need to go a couple steps further." I told him to break down his goals into a plan. I gave him the homework of identifying what his plan would be this month and this quarter to hit those goals. Then challenged him to show me how he would execute on that plan over the next week.

I suggested he write these things down and put them up on his wall so he could see his action plan and check things off.

I recently made my daughter go through the same exercise. She made a Goal Book. We meet weekly to go over our plans for the week and review how we executed last week's plan.

Having goals is hella cute.

Having a plan is really nice.

But we HAVE to execute.

I want to lay down a challenge for me, my daughter, and you this week to DO THE THINGS WE WROTE DOWN. 
This week, I'll be executing on my fitness goals, my business goals, and my lifestyle goals by:

1. Hitting the gym 4 times
2. Eating Whole 30 compliant meals
3. Hiring an admin
4. Building a content calendar
5. Planning my Ghana trip
6. Hanging my light fixture

What are you executing on this week? Let me know bc I'm gonna check in with you about it at the end of the week!

LET'S GET IT!
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#mondaymotivation #instainspiration #thingsillteachmydaughter #2019goals #selfimprovement #selfdevelopment #goaldigger
#goalgetter
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Ok, today I have THE most simple tip for you about applying for remote jobs:

APPLY FOR THE JOB!

So many people absolutely do find great jobs that they don't ever even apply for because they're afraid they aren't qualified enough or afraid of rejection.

Studies have shown that women have to feel they meet at least 90% of the qualifications before they apply for a job while men will apply even if they only meet 50% of the quals.

LADIES, we gotta put ourselves out there! Worst case scenario. all you lose is the 5-10 mins it took to apply. SO GO APPLY!

If you need help finding remote jobs to apply for, click the link in my bio and grab my free guide with my favorite places to find remote jobs and while you're at it, get my ninja job search wizard for only $7.

While I ain't Oprah, what I know for sure is you definitely can't get the job if you don't apply. You miss all the shots you don't take so

SHOOT YOUR SHOT!
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#remotejobs #remotework #WFA #WFAWednesday #WFH #workfromhome #workremotely #quitcommuting #quityourcommute
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📸 : @theqovphotos
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#mommiehood #motherhood #mommingateen #wanderingmom
  • It's another Work From Anywhere Wednesday! **body rolls**
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I'm chatting with you from my home office today about positions that are not 100% remote.

They do exist and A LOT of people don't even bother looking at them because they are so focused on finding a fully remote job.

I want to encourage you to apply for these jobs even if they aren't fully remote.

Why?

Well, for one you need to get into the habit of applying for jobs and going through the hiring process. I believe in achievement motivation. Once you start applying for the jobs you "kinda" want, it will be that much easier to apply for the ones you really want.

Secondly, if you get the job, you will now have remote experience and that will make you more appealing to the companies that are hiring a 100% remote workforce.

But the biggest reason I want you to go for it is because partial remote is more remote than you are now!

So get out there and apply.

If you need help finding viable remote jobs, I created a guide with my FAVORITE places to find remote work. Just click the link in my bio and grab your free copy.

Ok, I got work to do! Have a great day!
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#workfromanywhere #workremotely #remotejobs #wfhjobs #wfh #workfromhome #workingmom #workingmommy #quitcommuting #quityourcommute #WFAWednesday #wfa

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