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My 20 year old self body shames my 40 year old self

June 12, 2019 2 Comments

My 20 year old self body shames my 40 year old self

June 12, 2019 2 Comments

I used to be fine as hell ya’ll. FINE AS HELL.

Me at 20, I think (hope) I was headed to the pool with a friend.
Nevermind the ratchetry of this photo, let’s move on, lol.

I didn’t know I was fine at the time. I’ve never been overly confident about my body, in my opinion. I fluctuate between believing I’m attractive and feeling like I need work. I always have. I’d even go as far to say, looking back, I had an unrealistic view of what I thought was “wrong” with me. Even back then, I didn’t think my stomach was flat enough 😐

For the most part, I have been mostly content with the way I looked. By the time I got to college, I knew I had a nice body and a few features folks found attractive – full lips, high cheekbones, and nice arms.

By the time I became a full fledged adult, living in Tallahassee with my 3 year old daughter, I knew I wasn’t the 20 year old version of myself anymore but I was still turning heads where ever I went so I was cool.

Hanging out it Ochos Rios, Jamaica at age 34 in 2013

In 2013, I became very interested in health and fitness and got into really good shape. Probably the best shape of my life.

Fast forward to today, 40 year old Libryia stands in front of the mirror feeling like two different people. I often feel like that 20 year old version of me is trapped under this fat and these stretch marks and wondering how she got stuck in here. How did she get back rolls? Why is it so hard to tie her shoes? Why don’t her jeans fit?

Now, I’ve never been a person who body shames others. I see beauty in everyone.

But when it comes to me, it’s completely different.

Bassin Bleu in Haiti at age 36. Can you believe I was complaining about my body on this trip!?

When I stand in my closet trying to get dressed, I only see all the clothes I can’t fit anymore and find myself saying “you’re too fat for that” as I rake through the limited wardrobe I have.

I get online and start looking at clothes I might want to buy and I hear myself saying “that won’t look good on you” or “you don’t have the body for that anymore”.

I stand in front of the mirror, trying my damndest to button up a pair of pants and I tell myself “seriously Lib, you can’t even fit the fat pants you bought anymore”

If I’m completely honest, the version of myself who has always been in good shape without even trying is disappointed in my current self. She’s also confused by my current self.

Kicking it in Tulum for my 40th birthday

20 year old Libryia is trying to figure out how the hell did this happen? Furthermore, why is it so hard to fix?

40 year old Libryia feels so judged and unable to find answers to those questions which feel more like accusations. Like my younger self is accusing my older self of pilfering away some gift I was given. The gift of being fine for no damn reason. I wasted it. I used it up. I buried it under taco bell and bourbon, I guess.

20 year Libryia clearly doesn’t know how the anatomy works and how age plays into that. I’m frustrated with myself for letting her get to me. I am a logical person. I know that logically and scientifically, my body is not the same body I had at 20. Furthermore, 20 year old me didn’t know shit. Who the hell is she to judge me? She was right there with me at Taco Bell, in my ear telling me to “eat the taco, we’ve always eaten tacos, we’ll be fine”. Now she has the nerve to judge me!?! She better respect her damn elders.

I wish 40 year old Libryia felt confident and content. I wish the me I am today knew that it was not a “gift” to have a nice body without even trying for the majority of my youth. It was just my circumstances that for a very long time that I had a body that looked athletic and I enjoyed it.

I was loving my time in Playa del Carmen, Mexico (age 40)

Now I have a body that, at 40, sustains me. It does not look the way it did, but it’s still doing alright. This body does not have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, or any disease aside from the asthma it’s had since the age of 3. This body has raised a teenager, run Spartan races, won a fitness competition, laid on the beach in Thailand, done the wobble at clubs in South Africa, climbed Machu Picchu, partied on a yacht in Mexico and it’s still going.

I had a conversation with my therapist about this, she reminded me that my 20 year old self, my 30 year old self, and my current self just need to get aligned on being happy with my accomplishments to this point, honest about where I am now, decide where I want to be, and use the best parts of each version of myself to get to there.

These versions of me could team up and help me to the goal rather than shame me about where I am. I could use the tenacity and optimism of my 20 year old self and leverage the badassery and determination of my 30 year old self. Those are way more useful than the judgment and comparison.

Truth is this won’t be easy. I’ll still have days when I look in the mirror and see my 20 year old self staring back at me with her judgy face. I’ll just have to remember to tell her to kiss my ass and drag her to the gym with me.

libryia

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2 Comments

  • Ashley Renne June 12, 2019 at 11:58 am

    I like what your therapist said about having all these versions of yourself work together instead of work against you. Real talk this was a great post and I know it wasn’t easy.

    • libryia June 12, 2019 at 7:41 pm

      She was also the one who pointed out that my 20 year old self was riding along with me to Taco Bell, she wasn’t judging me then!!! LOL. She really is great, I love how she puts things into perspective with so much simplicity. Thanks for your comment!

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    • Sooooo much to unpack from this trip to Ghana!! Well, figuratively anyway.

Literally, we have a bit less to unpack because @KenyaAirways lost my daughter’s carry-on bag that they forced her to check on Monday. It’s now Friday night here and we are at the airport now heading back to the US and they still have not given us any indication on where her bag is. 😑😑😑 I’m upset about this because that bag contained the funky socks she inherited from her step brother who we lost two months ago. They were the only thing she asked to keep if his. I sincerely hope they find it.

Now back to the figurative unpacking. Ghana is so full - of people, of life, of history, of culture, of food, and of love.

I am full having been here (also figuratively and literally, LAWD I ATE ALL THE RICE)

This trip was far too short, we will definitely find ourselves back in this land soon. 
Medaase Ghana for a beautiful experience! .
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#Ghana #yearofreturn #YOR #visitghana #wanderingmom #wanderwoman #wanderwomaninc #travelgram #visitafrica #blackgirlatraveltoo #gobacktoafrica #nomadnesstribe #blacktravelgram
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In fact, I've been twice! The 2nd time, I stayed for 3.5 months AND I'm headed back 30 DAYS FROM TODAY with 12 families - total of 37 people ages 6 months to 61 years old!

A few quick things about traveling to Cape Town:

FLIGHTS ✈
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Typical flights (from ATL) will run about $1,200+ but you can snag GREAT flight deals at $700 or lower.

WHAT YOU'LL LOVE 😍

There is just SO MUCH to do there for all ages and between the beaches, the mountains, and wine country, your eye sockets may just pop out. Its hands down one of the most beautiful cities I have ever seen.

My fave things about CPT

1. Weather
2. Table Mountain
3. Nightlife (Bree St. be πŸ”₯)
4. Old Biscuit Mill
5. V&A Waterfont - there's ALWAYS something to do over there
6. Beaches - there are SO MANY
7. Wine

WHAT YOU'LL HATE 😑

Apartheid did a NUMBER on this place. While the city has SO MUCH beauty, it is very segregated (aside from downtown). In fact, many tourists think that Cape Town has a far larger white population than it does, only because the nice areas of town that tourists stay in are not populated by descendants of the original people.

Another thing you'll hate (this one is trivial) is that the beaches are GORGEOUS but the water is FREEZING! As a Florida girl, it's quite torturous to have a beautiful beach that I can't actually swim in...mind you, people do it. I can not! 🀣
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WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW πŸ‘©πŸΎβ€πŸ«
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If you are traveling to South Africa w/ children w/o their other parent, you WILL need to have a separate form completed with the other parent's signature and a copy of their ID. The ONLY way around this is:
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1. Their name is not on the birth certificate

2. You have documented full custody

3. The other parent is deceased (you would need to bring a death certificate)

Ok, that's it. Back to planning my 3rd visit to The Mother City.

Are you thinking about going to Cape Town? Ask me anything! Happy to help.
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πŸ“Έ: Steven of @aroundthetable_cpt
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We need all three, and in that order!

One of the last conversations I had with my bonus son, Jadyn, was about this topic.

He had come home feeling optimistic and excited about his future. He told me proudly that he had come up with some goals for his life.

I told him, "that's great love and you need to go a couple steps further." I told him to break down his goals into a plan. I gave him the homework of identifying what his plan would be this month and this quarter to hit those goals. Then challenged him to show me how he would execute on that plan over the next week.

I suggested he write these things down and put them up on his wall so he could see his action plan and check things off.

I recently made my daughter go through the same exercise. She made a Goal Book. We meet weekly to go over our plans for the week and review how we executed last week's plan.

Having goals is hella cute.

Having a plan is really nice.

But we HAVE to execute.

I want to lay down a challenge for me, my daughter, and you this week to DO THE THINGS WE WROTE DOWN. 
This week, I'll be executing on my fitness goals, my business goals, and my lifestyle goals by:

1. Hitting the gym 4 times
2. Eating Whole 30 compliant meals
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What are you executing on this week? Let me know bc I'm gonna check in with you about it at the end of the week!

LET'S GET IT!
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#mondaymotivation #instainspiration #thingsillteachmydaughter #2019goals #selfimprovement #selfdevelopment #goaldigger
#goalgetter
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Ok, today I have THE most simple tip for you about applying for remote jobs:

APPLY FOR THE JOB!

So many people absolutely do find great jobs that they don't ever even apply for because they're afraid they aren't qualified enough or afraid of rejection.

Studies have shown that women have to feel they meet at least 90% of the qualifications before they apply for a job while men will apply even if they only meet 50% of the quals.

LADIES, we gotta put ourselves out there! Worst case scenario. all you lose is the 5-10 mins it took to apply. SO GO APPLY!

If you need help finding remote jobs to apply for, click the link in my bio and grab my free guide with my favorite places to find remote jobs and while you're at it, get my ninja job search wizard for only $7.

While I ain't Oprah, what I know for sure is you definitely can't get the job if you don't apply. You miss all the shots you don't take so

SHOOT YOUR SHOT!
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#remotejobs #remotework #WFA #WFAWednesday #WFH #workfromhome #workremotely #quitcommuting #quityourcommute
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πŸ“Έ : @theqovphotos
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#mommiehood #motherhood #mommingateen #wanderingmom
    • It's another Work From Anywhere Wednesday! **body rolls**
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I'm chatting with you from my home office today about positions that are not 100% remote.

They do exist and A LOT of people don't even bother looking at them because they are so focused on finding a fully remote job.

I want to encourage you to apply for these jobs even if they aren't fully remote.

Why?

Well, for one you need to get into the habit of applying for jobs and going through the hiring process. I believe in achievement motivation. Once you start applying for the jobs you "kinda" want, it will be that much easier to apply for the ones you really want.

Secondly, if you get the job, you will now have remote experience and that will make you more appealing to the companies that are hiring a 100% remote workforce.

But the biggest reason I want you to go for it is because partial remote is more remote than you are now!

So get out there and apply.

If you need help finding viable remote jobs, I created a guide with my FAVORITE places to find remote work. Just click the link in my bio and grab your free copy.

Ok, I got work to do! Have a great day!
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#workfromanywhere #workremotely #remotejobs #wfhjobs #wfh #workfromhome #workingmom #workingmommy #quitcommuting #quityourcommute #WFAWednesday #wfa

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