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How I Plan to Be Happier in 2019

April 1, 2019 No Comments

How I Plan to Be Happier in 2019

April 1, 2019 No Comments

So 2019 is well underway, I know I’m late on planning to conquer the year. But to be perfectly honest, I did not roll into 2019 with a burst of energy to crush goals and conquer dreams **shrugs**.

It was a new feeling for me because I typically LOVE fresh starts – Mondays, the 1st of the month, a new quarter, and definitely a new year!

I decided to be neither concerned nor disappointed with myself for not high-stepping into Jan 1st and slaying all goals (or hell even writing them).

After three months of moving slowly, resting when I wanted to rest and working when I felt compelled to work, I now feel that same energy I normally feel at the turn of a new year. That said, I’m considering today the new year. The last three months were just a grace period! I used that grace period to really think about some of the changes I want to make and things I want to be cognizant of in order to be happier this year.

Be more discerning with my fucks

I’ve always been pretty prudent with how I allocate the fucks that I give.
I actually wrote a blog last year about how I decide what to give a fuck about. But I always believe improvements can be made.

For example, I often let my daughter’s bad mood affect me. She’s a teenager and perpetually in a cycle of declining mood swings in any given 15 minute period. At times I take it personally when she falls into a bad mood and have to remind myself it has nothing to do with me and as long as she isn’t being disrespectful, I probably shouldn’t give a fuck.

I have also found myself doling out fucks for petty things like a customer service agent asking me to spell my name for the 5th time or a customer asking me a question that could clearly be answered if she read the information already provided. I find myself ready to type a petty “I can’t stand when” message to one of my friends or a random outrage rant on fb and having to pause to ask myself is it really worth the energy I’m expending on it? Am I really outraged enough to continue to give this my attention? Nah, fucks redeposited.

Be gentle with myself

Lately, I’ve been really hard on myself.  Like super judgemental. I’ve gained weight, my car is never clean, I forget to do at least 5 things every day, I don’t floss my teeth enough, my nail polish is often chipped, I get irritated easily….I could go on.  

I’m sort of over the voice in my head nagging me all the time about what I’m not doing or not doing correctly.  She is annoying as hell and I just don’t have time for her in 2019.

I do have time for that other sweet, reassuring voice in my head.  The one that says “sure, you’ve gained weight and you’re still beautiful. If you want to lose weight, you know how to do it, all you have to do is start.”  The one who sweetly encourages me that “you forgot to do it today but tomorrow’s another day. Write it down or set an alarm so you won’t forget”.

Adjust my expectations

I realize that we do something that sets us up to be disappointed.  We apply our own expectations to other people quite often. Think about it, when you hold the door open for someone and they walk through it and don’t say “thank you”, you get upset and decide we shouldn’t have held the door open. Here’s the thing, the REASON you held the door was not to get a thank you. It was to let a person walk into it. The expectation should stop at them walking into it, because that’s the reason you did it. Mission accomplished.

We have to stop expecting people to behave like we would, because quite frankly, people aren’t us. It’s unrealistic to expect someone with their own set of thoughts, values, and experiences to respond to a situation the same way I would. That said, I want to shift my expectations to myself and how I choose to react or not react to situations rather than how other people should react.

Plus if my expectations are tied to my actions and not yours, I have a better chance of maintaining my peace. My feelings and mood are less likely to fluctuate because now, my expectations are connected to something [hopefully] much more predictable…me. I’m predictable to me.

Course correct in the moment

We all have some bad behaviors we want to change. Identifying it is an amazing first step. Trying not to do them is a reasonable next step, but not always feasible. Especially when we’re talking about those innate flaws that are just part of who we are, because, like a speeding car, they take a lot more effort to stop.

One of my flaws is arrogance. It’s an ugly one. It keeps me from learning new things and puts me on the defense more often than I’d like to admit. Rather than saying “I’m just going to be more humble” which we know ain’t really happening. I’m trying my best to be aware of the times when I’m acting from a place of arrogance AND correcting my behavior right then.

Often we aren’t willing to admit in the moment that we’re behaving badly. It’s likely a combination of pride and fear or just the train is already going and we can’t make it stop. Those of us really working on ourselves may do a retrospective and go back to apologize for what we did or said. But I want to spend more time in 2019 fixing my behavior on the spot rather than doling out retroactive apologies.

Quick success story, I had a call with a Project Manager who works for my client recently. He wanted to discuss my project plan because he did not accept my first draft. He is what would be considered a “black belt” in using Microsoft Project. I taught myself to use it years ago and have never taken a class. I use it well enough for it to work for me and I don’t much care about the detailed mechanics. He does.

I went into this meeting expecting him to tell me all the things he believed I did wrong. I was already on the defense EVEN THOUGH I tried to tell myself that this was a chance to practice humility. Three mins into the call I heard myself say “Yes I know how to do that but, for me, it’s not value added”. Hello arrogance!! I said to myself right then “Lib, you have to pivot. You aren’t defending YOUR project plan. WE are COLLABORATING on OUR project plan”. I’m so glad I course corrected. The call was great. He wasn’t trying to tell me what I did wrong, he really just wanted to make sure we were both on the same page, he taught me a few things about MS Project that I didn’t know, and showed me a few things I had forgotten how to do.

It felt really good to see the moment I was behaving badly and fix it right then rather than feeling bad about it later.


I’m certain you have goals to hit and things you’re working on this year too! I wish you all the success in hitting those goals and being a happier person this year. Hopefully, you started already and are well on your way. But if you’re like me and are JUUUUST getting revved up, cheers to knowing that there’s no time like today to start…you’re right on time!

libryia

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  • "I love you all of the time, I like you most of the time" - the real mantra of moms everywhere 🤣 🤷🏾‍♀️
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📸 : @theqovphotos
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#mommiehood #motherhood #mommingateen #wanderingmom
  • It's another Work From Anywhere Wednesday! **body rolls**
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I'm chatting with you from my home office today about positions that are not 100% remote.

They do exist and A LOT of people don't even bother looking at them because they are so focused on finding a fully remote job.

I want to encourage you to apply for these jobs even if they aren't fully remote.

Why?

Well, for one you need to get into the habit of applying for jobs and going through the hiring process. I believe in achievement motivation. Once you start applying for the jobs you "kinda" want, it will be that much easier to apply for the ones you really want.

Secondly, if you get the job, you will now have remote experience and that will make you more appealing to the companies that are hiring a 100% remote workforce.

But the biggest reason I want you to go for it is because partial remote is more remote than you are now!

So get out there and apply.

If you need help finding viable remote jobs, I created a guide with my FAVORITE places to find remote work. Just click the link in my bio and grab your free copy.

Ok, I got work to do! Have a great day!
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#workfromanywhere #workremotely #remotejobs #wfhjobs #wfh #workfromhome #workingmom #workingmommy #quitcommuting #quityourcommute #WFAWednesday #wfa
  • Where there are two or more women gathered together, there is bound to be drama, right?

WRONG!

During my girls trip to Turks and Caicos, several men made mention of the fact that we seemed to be so cool with each other and had no drama during our trip. They seemed shocked and impressed.

Admittedly, we took this as a compliment. We proudly touted that "WE don't do drama!" as if we're special.

I thought about this on my way home and felt I had to say out loud that I think this stereotype should DIE!

We are in the Era of The Sistafriend. Women are supporting one another, cheering one another on, taking trips together, starting businesses together, and just having a damn good time together.

I wrote a blog post about why I just don't believe this myth is accurate and why it should be killed.

Click the link in my bio to check it out!

Show me some girl love on this post and tag your girlfriends that you rock with on the daily!
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📸: @specislegend in Turks and Caicos .
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#girlpower #womensempowerment #blackgirlmagic #girlslovetravel #blackgirlstraveltoo #blacktravelslay #blacktravelgram #nomadnesstribe #travelgram blacktravelfeed
  • Yooo! It's Work From Anywhere Wednesday!

Today, I want to challenge you all to expand your remote work opportunities to freelancing.

Freelancing is a great way to work remotely!

You would be surprised to know that there are MANY companies, both big and small that are willing to pay you for the expertise and skills you have.

During my first monthly "Lib Search For My Remote Job" session last night, I spoke to two women about freelancing.

One wanted to be a recruiter. This is a REALLY great field for freelancing but you have to build your network.

The other wanted to help non-profits with fundraising. There are not usually a ton of remote opportunities with non-profits so I suggested that she build out a suite of services from building strategic plans to executing those plans and approach some non-profits who are currently hiring for similar roles and offer to consult with them.

Freelancing is definitely a great way to broaden the range of opportunities for you to go remote

There are a few more spaces in the session tonight and Saturday. Sign up before they run out. Just click the link in my bio and go to "Lib, Search For My Remote Job"

See ya in there!
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#WFAWEDNESDAY #workingmom #workfromanywhere #workfromhome #remotework #quitcommuting #quityourcommute #remotejobs #workfromhomejobs #wfhjobs #wfh
  • Ever give a woman a compliment and the first thing she does is explain why you shouldn't have?

How many times have you done this yourself?

It's such an interesting and automated response and it seems to be something women do almost exclusively.

I imagine if it were men, one man might say **turns on deep voice** "hey man, I like that beard look bro, its dope" and the man would never respond with "for real man? It's so dry and I need a line up!". No, he would say "thanks man, 'preciate that"

Why do we have so much trouble graciously receiving compliments?

Are we trying to portray modesty?

Do we think it makes us seem conceited?

Or do we think we don't deserve the compliment

This happened on two occasions over the weekend.

I told one woman that her lashes looked great and she immediately launched a smear campaign about how they were old and needed to be redone. I placed my hand on her shoulder to stop her and said "oooh girl, just say thank you" 🤣
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Another woman I was chatting with had such beautiful skin and I told her so. She looked at me concerned like she thought I might be losing my eyesight and said "oh no, I'm so mad at my skin, I'm breaking out and..." I cut her off and said "I think your skin is beautiful, just say thank you" 🤣
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I absolutely do this too. Most of us do. I don't know why we do it, but I would love for us to stop.

We do not owe modesty to the world. We do owe it to ourselves to be bold in our acceptance of our beauty, our strength, our power.

There is a big difference between being conceited and being confident and accepting compliments does not tip the scales towards conceit. It does, however, exhibit graciousness.

We don't get to decide whether or not we deserve the compliment. The person giving it to us already declared it. Its ours. They weren't asking our permission or asking us to sign off on it. They chose to compliment us because we were deserving. We should accept that. We deserve it.

Take the compliment, sis. Just say "thank you".
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#thingsillteachmydaughter #mondaymotivation #instainspiration #selfdevelopment #womensempowerment #selfimprovement #girlpower
  • Crazy enough, our weekend trip to Memphis was the first "real"  trip Zian and I have taken together since Christmas when we went to Colombia 😯😯
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She and I have made road trips back to my hometown, we went to Chicago to drop her at summer camp, and we went to Detroit to say goodbye to our Jadyn, but this is the first trip of the year where we got to kick it together.

Yesterday, I moderated a panel for @audacityfest discussing traveling with children alongside @tanaibenardturner, @themomtrotter, @thetravelingchild, and @@gabbok17. One of the things we talked about was how much quality bonding time we get when we travel with our kids.

I love stepping outside of our regular routine of being mom and daughter and just being people exploring a town, getting to know who my daughter is as a person, and letting her learn who I am as Libryia, not as "mom".
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Although our time in Memphis was brief, I truly enjoyed sharing history with my kiddo at the National Civil Rights Museum, chatting and strolling down Main St., grooving to music at the #BringYourSoul block party,  two-stepping to the jams played by @bigsueshouse at brunch, and mural hunting for dope shots for da gram (thanks @ilovememphisblog for the murals list!)
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It's true, she and I can bond at home. But there is something so special about discovering a new place and ourselves.

Memphis, thank you for having us! We can't wait to come back and explore more of what you have to offer!
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#ilovememphisblog #ilovememphis #memphistravel #travelblogger #influencer #travelinfluencer #AudacityFest #visitmemphis #wanderingmom #wanderingmoms #wanderwoman #blackkidstravel #blackgirlstraveltoo

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