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Can we kill the myth women can’t get along?

October 8, 2019 No Comments

Can we kill the myth women can’t get along?

October 8, 2019 No Comments

Where two or more women are gathered together, there is bound to be drama.

This seems to be such a generally accepted rule, it may as well be a proverb. But I believe this is a myth. I think this is a holdover from a time when reality TV shows were first introduced and became wildly popular and it was hard to tell if life was imitating “art” or vice versa.

Maybe I’ve just gotten older and we are just better at interacting with one another but I firmly believe we are squarely in the era of The Sistafriend.

Wandering Moms trip to Costa Rica. No kids, no drama!

Every woman these days seems to be cheering for another woman. We are supporting each other, we are cheering one another on, we are setting each other up for success, we are taking trips together, starting businesses together. We have a lot fewer Nenes and a lot more Tarajis out there these days.

Recently, four of my girls and I went on a trip to Turks and Caicos for my birthday. We were there for 5 days and 4 nights, shared one AirBnB together and had A BLAST!

During the trip, men we came into contact with constantly told us that they were so surprised that we were such a “cool group of girls with zero drama”. This was mentioned to us AT LEAST three separate times during our time there. Admittedly, we easily took this as a compliment. We proudly responded “oh yeah, WE don’t do drama!”

On my way back to the US, I found myself thinking about how easily we slid ourselves right into this stereotype, often reserved for women, and were so proud to set ourselves apart from “those women” for whom the shoe fits. Then it occurred to me that this stereotype (like many stereotypes) doesn’t even hold water. I believe it’s a holdover from a time before that’s just outdated, like the myth that black men don’t take care of their kids. We all know TOO many black men who are amazing fathers to let that myth continue to circulate.

Girls trip to Peru. Fun fact, neither of these women knew each other, they only knew me.
We had SO much fun!

Over the years, I’ve been part of AT LEAST 5 girl groups that were, what I would consider, drama free. I have the group of besties I grew up with, there are four of us and we’ve been friends since we were about 5 and 6 years old. I have my adult girl group – four amazing women I met in my 30s and brought together. I also have my Chicago Sistafriends – a group of 7 women whom I absolutely love. I even had a group of workout girlfriends and we rolled pretty tight for about three years.

None of these groups have a lot of drama so it’s just hard for me to believe this myth to be true. Here is what I do believe.

HUMANS WILL GET ON EACH OTHER’S NERVES

I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman or transgender or non-binary, people get on peoples nerves. It happens to us all. Our friends, our family, our lovers, the guy in line in front of us at Starbucks gets on our last nerve and we get on other people’s nerves too. Hell I get on my own nerves so I know for certain I get on other people’s.

37 women on a Wandering Moms trip to France. We were way too excited to be away from our kids to be bothered with any drama! Actually the airlines losing one of the moms bags was the most drama we had.

Despite the fact that nerve agitation is something each of us is afflicted with, women specifically get a bad reputation for it. We somehow get pegged as being catty or inciting drama when we’re just being humans – getting on other humans nerves or letting other humans to get on ours.

All disagreements are not drama

Men get to disagree with one another all the time. They get to yell at each other and even get into fights and people chalk it up to them getting out aggression, but they are never accused of being incapable of getting along with one another as an entire gender.

Yet somehow, the moment that two or three women disagree, it’s now a dramatic cat fight that’s just so typical of women. It’s like we’re not allowed the space to just disagree with one another. Every disagreement is not an argument and every argument is not drama. Despite what you saw on Basketball Wives every week, we do not throw water into each other’s faces every time we can’t agree on a topic!

Sometimes, conflict is ok

In these days of hyper-sensitive humaning, we have to remember that sometimes conflict is ok. In fact, sometimes, it’s productive.

It’s especially productive if people get the chance to air out their feelings, apologize, or agree to disagree and move on. These types of conflicts can often strengthen friendships, help you learn more about yourself, and learn more about the people you’re dealing with. It can even make you better at dealing with others. Conflict is just a healthy part of life, relationships, self-development, and growth.


Bday trip with my girls to Playa for my 40th bday!

I’m obviously not saying that drama, as a whole, has been eradicated. Drama exists. It always will. It exists in circles of women, men, transgender nonbinary, co-ed, kids, teens, adults, elderly people, humans. It can exist in any group of humans.

I’m personally tired of every time a group of women get together, it’s noted specifically whether there is no drama and if there is not, the women are complimented for it. It’s like telling a black person that they “speak so well” with the connotation being that you expected them not to speak well. Why are you complimenting me and my friends on our ability to be civil human beings who interact with one another in a pleasant way? It’s because you assume that we can’t…and that’s some bullshit.

We don’t need a pat on the back for being able to get along with women, because we do it pretty much every day.

So can we kill this myth already?

libryia

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  • Cape Town is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been!

In fact, I've been twice! The 2nd time, I stayed for 3.5 months AND I'm headed back 30 DAYS FROM TODAY with 12 families - total of 37 people ages 6 months to 61 years old!

A few quick things about traveling to Cape Town:

FLIGHTS ✈
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Typical flights (from ATL) will run about $1,200+ but you can snag GREAT flight deals at $700 or lower.

WHAT YOU'LL LOVE 😍

There is just SO MUCH to do there for all ages and between the beaches, the mountains, and wine country, your eye sockets may just pop out. Its hands down one of the most beautiful cities I have ever seen.

My fave things about CPT

1. Weather
2. Table Mountain
3. Nightlife (Bree St. be 🔥)
4. Old Biscuit Mill
5. V&A Waterfont - there's ALWAYS something to do over there
6. Beaches - there are SO MANY
7. Wine

WHAT YOU'LL HATE 😡

Apartheid did a NUMBER on this place. While the city has SO MUCH beauty, it is very segregated (aside from downtown). In fact, many tourists think that Cape Town has a far larger white population than it does, only because the nice areas of town that tourists stay in are not populated by descendants of the original people.

Another thing you'll hate (this one is trivial) is that the beaches are GORGEOUS but the water is FREEZING! As a Florida girl, it's quite torturous to have a beautiful beach that I can't actually swim in...mind you, people do it. I can not! 🤣
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WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW 👩🏾‍🏫
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If you are traveling to South Africa w/ children w/o their other parent, you WILL need to have a separate form completed with the other parent's signature and a copy of their ID. The ONLY way around this is:
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1. Their name is not on the birth certificate

2. You have documented full custody

3. The other parent is deceased (you would need to bring a death certificate)

Ok, that's it. Back to planning my 3rd visit to The Mother City.

Are you thinking about going to Cape Town? Ask me anything! Happy to help.
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📸: Steven of @aroundthetable_cpt
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#capetown #ilovecapetown #travelafrica #visitafrica #visitcapetown #capetowntourism #southafricatourism 
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  • Goals are just talk without a plan. A plan is just words on paper without execution.

We need all three, and in that order!

One of the last conversations I had with my bonus son, Jadyn, was about this topic.

He had come home feeling optimistic and excited about his future. He told me proudly that he had come up with some goals for his life.

I told him, "that's great love and you need to go a couple steps further." I told him to break down his goals into a plan. I gave him the homework of identifying what his plan would be this month and this quarter to hit those goals. Then challenged him to show me how he would execute on that plan over the next week.

I suggested he write these things down and put them up on his wall so he could see his action plan and check things off.

I recently made my daughter go through the same exercise. She made a Goal Book. We meet weekly to go over our plans for the week and review how we executed last week's plan.

Having goals is hella cute.

Having a plan is really nice.

But we HAVE to execute.

I want to lay down a challenge for me, my daughter, and you this week to DO THE THINGS WE WROTE DOWN. 
This week, I'll be executing on my fitness goals, my business goals, and my lifestyle goals by:

1. Hitting the gym 4 times
2. Eating Whole 30 compliant meals
3. Hiring an admin
4. Building a content calendar
5. Planning my Ghana trip
6. Hanging my light fixture

What are you executing on this week? Let me know bc I'm gonna check in with you about it at the end of the week!

LET'S GET IT!
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#mondaymotivation #instainspiration #thingsillteachmydaughter #2019goals #selfimprovement #selfdevelopment #goaldigger
#goalgetter
  • HEY HEEEY It's Work From Anywhere Wednesday!

Ok, today I have THE most simple tip for you about applying for remote jobs:

APPLY FOR THE JOB!

So many people absolutely do find great jobs that they don't ever even apply for because they're afraid they aren't qualified enough or afraid of rejection.

Studies have shown that women have to feel they meet at least 90% of the qualifications before they apply for a job while men will apply even if they only meet 50% of the quals.

LADIES, we gotta put ourselves out there! Worst case scenario. all you lose is the 5-10 mins it took to apply. SO GO APPLY!

If you need help finding remote jobs to apply for, click the link in my bio and grab my free guide with my favorite places to find remote jobs and while you're at it, get my ninja job search wizard for only $7.

While I ain't Oprah, what I know for sure is you definitely can't get the job if you don't apply. You miss all the shots you don't take so

SHOOT YOUR SHOT!
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#remotejobs #remotework #WFA #WFAWednesday #WFH #workfromhome #workremotely #quitcommuting #quityourcommute
  • "I love you all of the time, I like you most of the time" - the real mantra of moms everywhere 🤣 🤷🏾‍♀️
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📸 : @theqovphotos
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#mommiehood #motherhood #mommingateen #wanderingmom
  • It's another Work From Anywhere Wednesday! **body rolls**
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I'm chatting with you from my home office today about positions that are not 100% remote.

They do exist and A LOT of people don't even bother looking at them because they are so focused on finding a fully remote job.

I want to encourage you to apply for these jobs even if they aren't fully remote.

Why?

Well, for one you need to get into the habit of applying for jobs and going through the hiring process. I believe in achievement motivation. Once you start applying for the jobs you "kinda" want, it will be that much easier to apply for the ones you really want.

Secondly, if you get the job, you will now have remote experience and that will make you more appealing to the companies that are hiring a 100% remote workforce.

But the biggest reason I want you to go for it is because partial remote is more remote than you are now!

So get out there and apply.

If you need help finding viable remote jobs, I created a guide with my FAVORITE places to find remote work. Just click the link in my bio and grab your free copy.

Ok, I got work to do! Have a great day!
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#workfromanywhere #workremotely #remotejobs #wfhjobs #wfh #workfromhome #workingmom #workingmommy #quitcommuting #quityourcommute #WFAWednesday #wfa
  • Where there are two or more women gathered together, there is bound to be drama, right?

WRONG!

During my girls trip to Turks and Caicos, several men made mention of the fact that we seemed to be so cool with each other and had no drama during our trip. They seemed shocked and impressed.

Admittedly, we took this as a compliment. We proudly touted that "WE don't do drama!" as if we're special.

I thought about this on my way home and felt I had to say out loud that I think this stereotype should DIE!

We are in the Era of The Sistafriend. Women are supporting one another, cheering one another on, taking trips together, starting businesses together, and just having a damn good time together.

I wrote a blog post about why I just don't believe this myth is accurate and why it should be killed.

Click the link in my bio to check it out!

Show me some girl love on this post and tag your girlfriends that you rock with on the daily!
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📸: @specislegend in Turks and Caicos .
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#girlpower #womensempowerment #blackgirlmagic #girlslovetravel #blackgirlstraveltoo #blacktravelslay #blacktravelgram #nomadnesstribe #travelgram blacktravelfeed

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