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Can we kill the myth women can’t get along?

October 8, 2019 No Comments

Can we kill the myth women can’t get along?

October 8, 2019 No Comments

Where two or more women are gathered together, there is bound to be drama.

This seems to be such a generally accepted rule, it may as well be a proverb. But I believe this is a myth. I think this is a holdover from a time when reality TV shows were first introduced and became wildly popular and it was hard to tell if life was imitating “art” or vice versa.

Maybe I’ve just gotten older and we are just better at interacting with one another but I firmly believe we are squarely in the era of The Sistafriend.

Wandering Moms trip to Costa Rica. No kids, no drama!

Every woman these days seems to be cheering for another woman. We are supporting each other, we are cheering one another on, we are setting each other up for success, we are taking trips together, starting businesses together. We have a lot fewer Nenes and a lot more Tarajis out there these days.

Recently, four of my girls and I went on a trip to Turks and Caicos for my birthday. We were there for 5 days and 4 nights, shared one AirBnB together and had A BLAST!

During the trip, men we came into contact with constantly told us that they were so surprised that we were such a “cool group of girls with zero drama”. This was mentioned to us AT LEAST three separate times during our time there. Admittedly, we easily took this as a compliment. We proudly responded “oh yeah, WE don’t do drama!”

On my way back to the US, I found myself thinking about how easily we slid ourselves right into this stereotype, often reserved for women, and were so proud to set ourselves apart from “those women” for whom the shoe fits. Then it occurred to me that this stereotype (like many stereotypes) doesn’t even hold water. I believe it’s a holdover from a time before that’s just outdated, like the myth that black men don’t take care of their kids. We all know TOO many black men who are amazing fathers to let that myth continue to circulate.

Girls trip to Peru. Fun fact, neither of these women knew each other, they only knew me.
We had SO much fun!

Over the years, I’ve been part of AT LEAST 5 girl groups that were, what I would consider, drama free. I have the group of besties I grew up with, there are four of us and we’ve been friends since we were about 5 and 6 years old. I have my adult girl group – four amazing women I met in my 30s and brought together. I also have my Chicago Sistafriends – a group of 7 women whom I absolutely love. I even had a group of workout girlfriends and we rolled pretty tight for about three years.

None of these groups have a lot of drama so it’s just hard for me to believe this myth to be true. Here is what I do believe.

HUMANS WILL GET ON EACH OTHER’S NERVES

I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman or transgender or non-binary, people get on peoples nerves. It happens to us all. Our friends, our family, our lovers, the guy in line in front of us at Starbucks gets on our last nerve and we get on other people’s nerves too. Hell I get on my own nerves so I know for certain I get on other people’s.

37 women on a Wandering Moms trip to France. We were way too excited to be away from our kids to be bothered with any drama! Actually the airlines losing one of the moms bags was the most drama we had.

Despite the fact that nerve agitation is something each of us is afflicted with, women specifically get a bad reputation for it. We somehow get pegged as being catty or inciting drama when we’re just being humans – getting on other humans nerves or letting other humans to get on ours.

All disagreements are not drama

Men get to disagree with one another all the time. They get to yell at each other and even get into fights and people chalk it up to them getting out aggression, but they are never accused of being incapable of getting along with one another as an entire gender.

Yet somehow, the moment that two or three women disagree, it’s now a dramatic cat fight that’s just so typical of women. It’s like we’re not allowed the space to just disagree with one another. Every disagreement is not an argument and every argument is not drama. Despite what you saw on Basketball Wives every week, we do not throw water into each other’s faces every time we can’t agree on a topic!

Sometimes, conflict is ok

In these days of hyper-sensitive humaning, we have to remember that sometimes conflict is ok. In fact, sometimes, it’s productive.

It’s especially productive if people get the chance to air out their feelings, apologize, or agree to disagree and move on. These types of conflicts can often strengthen friendships, help you learn more about yourself, and learn more about the people you’re dealing with. It can even make you better at dealing with others. Conflict is just a healthy part of life, relationships, self-development, and growth.


Bday trip with my girls to Playa for my 40th bday!

I’m obviously not saying that drama, as a whole, has been eradicated. Drama exists. It always will. It exists in circles of women, men, transgender nonbinary, co-ed, kids, teens, adults, elderly people, humans. It can exist in any group of humans.

I’m personally tired of every time a group of women get together, it’s noted specifically whether there is no drama and if there is not, the women are complimented for it. It’s like telling a black person that they “speak so well” with the connotation being that you expected them not to speak well. Why are you complimenting me and my friends on our ability to be civil human beings who interact with one another in a pleasant way? It’s because you assume that we can’t…and that’s some bullshit.

We don’t need a pat on the back for being able to get along with women, because we do it pretty much every day.

So can we kill this myth already?

libryia

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  • "I love you all of the time, I like you most of the time" - the real mantra of moms everywhere 🤣 🤷🏾‍♀️
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📸 : @theqovphotos
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#mommiehood #motherhood #mommingateen #wanderingmom
  • It's another Work From Anywhere Wednesday! **body rolls**
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I'm chatting with you from my home office today about positions that are not 100% remote.

They do exist and A LOT of people don't even bother looking at them because they are so focused on finding a fully remote job.

I want to encourage you to apply for these jobs even if they aren't fully remote.

Why?

Well, for one you need to get into the habit of applying for jobs and going through the hiring process. I believe in achievement motivation. Once you start applying for the jobs you "kinda" want, it will be that much easier to apply for the ones you really want.

Secondly, if you get the job, you will now have remote experience and that will make you more appealing to the companies that are hiring a 100% remote workforce.

But the biggest reason I want you to go for it is because partial remote is more remote than you are now!

So get out there and apply.

If you need help finding viable remote jobs, I created a guide with my FAVORITE places to find remote work. Just click the link in my bio and grab your free copy.

Ok, I got work to do! Have a great day!
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#workfromanywhere #workremotely #remotejobs #wfhjobs #wfh #workfromhome #workingmom #workingmommy #quitcommuting #quityourcommute #WFAWednesday #wfa
  • Where there are two or more women gathered together, there is bound to be drama, right?

WRONG!

During my girls trip to Turks and Caicos, several men made mention of the fact that we seemed to be so cool with each other and had no drama during our trip. They seemed shocked and impressed.

Admittedly, we took this as a compliment. We proudly touted that "WE don't do drama!" as if we're special.

I thought about this on my way home and felt I had to say out loud that I think this stereotype should DIE!

We are in the Era of The Sistafriend. Women are supporting one another, cheering one another on, taking trips together, starting businesses together, and just having a damn good time together.

I wrote a blog post about why I just don't believe this myth is accurate and why it should be killed.

Click the link in my bio to check it out!

Show me some girl love on this post and tag your girlfriends that you rock with on the daily!
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📸: @specislegend in Turks and Caicos .
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  • Yooo! It's Work From Anywhere Wednesday!

Today, I want to challenge you all to expand your remote work opportunities to freelancing.

Freelancing is a great way to work remotely!

You would be surprised to know that there are MANY companies, both big and small that are willing to pay you for the expertise and skills you have.

During my first monthly "Lib Search For My Remote Job" session last night, I spoke to two women about freelancing.

One wanted to be a recruiter. This is a REALLY great field for freelancing but you have to build your network.

The other wanted to help non-profits with fundraising. There are not usually a ton of remote opportunities with non-profits so I suggested that she build out a suite of services from building strategic plans to executing those plans and approach some non-profits who are currently hiring for similar roles and offer to consult with them.

Freelancing is definitely a great way to broaden the range of opportunities for you to go remote

There are a few more spaces in the session tonight and Saturday. Sign up before they run out. Just click the link in my bio and go to "Lib, Search For My Remote Job"

See ya in there!
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#WFAWEDNESDAY #workingmom #workfromanywhere #workfromhome #remotework #quitcommuting #quityourcommute #remotejobs #workfromhomejobs #wfhjobs #wfh
  • Ever give a woman a compliment and the first thing she does is explain why you shouldn't have?

How many times have you done this yourself?

It's such an interesting and automated response and it seems to be something women do almost exclusively.

I imagine if it were men, one man might say **turns on deep voice** "hey man, I like that beard look bro, its dope" and the man would never respond with "for real man? It's so dry and I need a line up!". No, he would say "thanks man, 'preciate that"

Why do we have so much trouble graciously receiving compliments?

Are we trying to portray modesty?

Do we think it makes us seem conceited?

Or do we think we don't deserve the compliment

This happened on two occasions over the weekend.

I told one woman that her lashes looked great and she immediately launched a smear campaign about how they were old and needed to be redone. I placed my hand on her shoulder to stop her and said "oooh girl, just say thank you" 🤣
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Another woman I was chatting with had such beautiful skin and I told her so. She looked at me concerned like she thought I might be losing my eyesight and said "oh no, I'm so mad at my skin, I'm breaking out and..." I cut her off and said "I think your skin is beautiful, just say thank you" 🤣
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I absolutely do this too. Most of us do. I don't know why we do it, but I would love for us to stop.

We do not owe modesty to the world. We do owe it to ourselves to be bold in our acceptance of our beauty, our strength, our power.

There is a big difference between being conceited and being confident and accepting compliments does not tip the scales towards conceit. It does, however, exhibit graciousness.

We don't get to decide whether or not we deserve the compliment. The person giving it to us already declared it. Its ours. They weren't asking our permission or asking us to sign off on it. They chose to compliment us because we were deserving. We should accept that. We deserve it.

Take the compliment, sis. Just say "thank you".
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#thingsillteachmydaughter #mondaymotivation #instainspiration #selfdevelopment #womensempowerment #selfimprovement #girlpower
  • Crazy enough, our weekend trip to Memphis was the first "real"  trip Zian and I have taken together since Christmas when we went to Colombia 😯😯
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She and I have made road trips back to my hometown, we went to Chicago to drop her at summer camp, and we went to Detroit to say goodbye to our Jadyn, but this is the first trip of the year where we got to kick it together.

Yesterday, I moderated a panel for @audacityfest discussing traveling with children alongside @tanaibenardturner, @themomtrotter, @thetravelingchild, and @@gabbok17. One of the things we talked about was how much quality bonding time we get when we travel with our kids.

I love stepping outside of our regular routine of being mom and daughter and just being people exploring a town, getting to know who my daughter is as a person, and letting her learn who I am as Libryia, not as "mom".
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Although our time in Memphis was brief, I truly enjoyed sharing history with my kiddo at the National Civil Rights Museum, chatting and strolling down Main St., grooving to music at the #BringYourSoul block party,  two-stepping to the jams played by @bigsueshouse at brunch, and mural hunting for dope shots for da gram (thanks @ilovememphisblog for the murals list!)
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It's true, she and I can bond at home. But there is something so special about discovering a new place and ourselves.

Memphis, thank you for having us! We can't wait to come back and explore more of what you have to offer!
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